“I wish I discussed finances before I got married last time.” Sound familiar?
Did you know past statistics have shown that in the U.S. approximately 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce?* Not surprisingly, a major cause of divorce in marriages is money. *
You’ve found that special someone (again) but, you’re still trying to figure out how you talk about the “M” word without ruining the romance. You know it’s smart to work together, but where do you start? Building a solid foundation of communication and partnership around managing your money is crucial to lifelong intimacy, trust, and success in a marriage.
Don’t Talk to Your Partner About Money? You’re Not Alone.
As both a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and a Money Coach, I work with many smart, hard-working couples who just don’t talk with each other about money. Maybe you and your new partner are like this too. As life becomes stressful, kids enter the picture, and expenses continue to rise, it becomes harder to talk about money without temperatures rising or carving out more than 5 minutes of sanity time. And then, someone loses a job, or you decide to divorce. There’s a mad scramble to find all the documentation, list assets, and figure out what you’re spending. THERE IS A BETTER WAY.
It Starts with Me and ends with We
- Me. We don’t always know how we think about money until we talk to, or observe others. Knowing how you react to, and react with money is the first step in knowing what you can contribute to the team. Even if you don’t spend a lot of time on your finances, two heads are better than one in a relationship when making decisions that can affect your future.
- We. We all have emotional triggers when it comes to money – denial, security, status, obsession, the list goes on. Learning to respect each other’s money beliefs and avoid minefields is so important.
- Combining Assets. One of the team may be ashamed about your debt, or may want to keep an inheritance separate. It is so important to have eyes wide open and make decisions knowing the full picture. Surprises are rarely good.
- The Unspoken. Financial infidelity, using money as power over another – doesn’t go away in a marriage. It starts as an irritation and builds to anxiety. Ignoring it will not help. Confronting it helps the other understand that they’re doing it, because they may not even be aware.
- The Kids. Oh, the kids. Your kids may be money self-sufficient and good savers. Your new partner may be doling out cash all the time to theirs. The bottom line is that you are funding their children out of your combined assets. Did you agree to do that? Have you discussed needs versus wants and time frames? Tricky stuff.
Committed to Last – Created to Help You Talk About Money
Please join me and Ivy Menchel from Sagemark Consulting for Committed to Last, a 5-session workshop creating the financial foundation for a sustainable marriage. We are both Certified Divorce Financial Analysts, and see the frustrating, heartbreaking results of couples not talking with each other about money. We’d like to help you.
The 5-session workshop begins on January 10, 2019 from 5:30-7:30 and continues for a total of 5 weeks.
What You Will Learn in 5 Weeks:
- Who you are and how you relate to one another from a financial perspective
- An in-depth understanding of money behaviors and how you think differently about money
- New tools and exercises each week to help you and your significant other build a strong foundation
- A road map to support your commitment to each other
Questions? Contact Carrie at firstname.lastname@example.org or (914) 923-6081
I hope to see you there, because I know we can help.
Your Personal Money Coach,
*Psychology Today, The High Failure Rate of Second and Third Marriages
Information shown is for illustrative purposes only and is not intended as investment, legal or tax planning advice. Please consult a financial adviser, attorney or tax specialist for advice specific to your financial situation. Behavioral Cents, LLC and any third parties listed, linked to or otherwise appearing in this message are separate and unaffiliated and are not responsible for each other’s products, services or policies.
Carrie Rattle is a Master Money Coach, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst & Founder of Behavioral Cents. She is a 30-year veteran executive of financial services. Behavioral Cents helps women achieve independence, freedom, and a bigger voice in the world. By building a fatter bank account women can confidently walk away from a bad job, build a business to change the world, or live their own dreams. Behavioral Cents delivers a private, non-judgmental atmosphere with a program tailored to change your money behaviors for the better – without deprivation. Thoughts always welcome: email@example.com.
Carrie Rattle is a Principal at BehavioralCents.com, a website for women focused on mind and money behaviors. She has worked in the financial services industry for 20+ years and hopes to inspire women to better prepare themselves for financial independence.